?? 1904 ??

   I was recently e-mailed a list of “you won’t believe this” facts about the year 1904 for my amusement. It appeared to be a “chain-mail”, so I am sure some of you already received it. I read over the facts and found many to be mind-boggling at first. Then as I read on, I came to realize something that our parents and grandparents have been telling us for years. “We have it made in today’s world.” I won’t go into the whole email, but a few of the facts that surprised me were;


1. Average life expectancy was 47 years old

(The current expectancy is almost 67 years)

   Through modern medicine we have reaped the benefits of extended life and are around to enjoy the “fruits” of our labor. Our great-grandparents weren’t around long enough to have SSI benefits. They never had a “light at the end of the tunnel” that we take for granted. They instead worked their ENTIRE life. How lucky are we that we get to watch our children AND grandchildren grow and mature. It seems that we all too often take little things like this for granted

2. The average worker made between $200 and $400 dollars a year

(The average yearly household income in 2000 was $59,316)

3. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen

(Eggs are approximately 1.34 a dozen)

   As far as annual earnings go, a salary of $59,316 is approximately 148 times higher than the $400 income of 1904. If we use that same formula for the price of eggs during 1904, the cost now should be $20.72. Sounds crazy? Maybe you take the technology that allows egg prices to stay low for granted. I know that inflation seems out of control, but salaries have more than kept up with the cost of MANY common items. This is by no means meant to “validate” inflation, but rather meant as an eye-opener to how much worse our financial strains could be.

4. Only 6% of all Americans had a High School Diploma

(85% now have a High School Education)

   How many of us ridicule others that have trouble reading or writing? This is not something that is to be taken for granted. Our schools are constantly being demeaned for their poor teaching, but we now have 79% more people being educated at “some” level of competency. Thanks again to technology; we are allowed the privilege to work at jobs that are not as physically demanding as our forefathers. We can read for ourselves and make informed, educated decisions about our daily lives. What a powerful and awesome thing to take for granted; the ability to read.

5. Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering their country for ANY reason

(Can you imagine our country passing a law of this magnitude?).

   What the hell is up with Canada passing laws stopping the poor from entering? They don't seem to mind the protection of living next to The Most Powerful Country on the planet. I have, as many of my friends know, a total lack of respect for Canada in general. The only reason I don’t have them at the top of my “Free Nation Most Hated List” is because France is still around. I think they would turn off the lights and shut the whole country down if it weren’t for the fact they make Crown Royal Whiskey. The only reason some fourth rate country like Somalia doesn’t invade them is because we are next door. Because of my distaste for this country, and 99% of all interaction I have had with the citizens I have had the misfortune of meeting, I am going to chock this “fact’ up as “internet folklore”; as I have not been able to validate it as of yet. I will search to the ends of Al Gore’s internet to seek a validation for this statement and be back with a heavy handed blog for those undeserving, yellow-bellied, French speaking Canucks.

Celebrity Reality

As I read about the turmoil and circus-like environment surrounding Tiger Woods this week, I had to ask myself; “What planet is this guy living on? For that matter, what planet are any of these tabloid-filling celebrities living on?” Then it hit me, these people were not raised the same way as you and I. We need to give them the benefit of the doubt that they don’t know right from wrong as the rest of “normality” has been taught. They see the world with no consequences, a world that bends to their needs and wants, a world far from our reality. With this in mind, I felt compelled to offer my experiences in life, good and bad, to our celebrity-elite. The “baker’s dozen” guest list is as follows;


1. David Hasselhoff

2. Lindsey Lohan

3. Mel Gibson

4. Mike Tyson

5. Tiger Woods

6. Joaquin Phoenix

7. Robert Downey Jr.

8. Amy Winehouse

9. John Daily

10. Gary Busey

11. Brittany Spears

12. Latoya Jackson

13. Joe Jackson

I composed the following letter to send out to those I felt could best use my help.

Dear (insert troubled celebs name here)

Due to your recent shortcomings in the thought process of daily life, I would like to take a moment of your time and offer my services. I, as well as most of America, can see that you need assistance in making day to day, trivial decisions. I am not talking about giving you the kind of help that an agent offers, but more on the lines of a “life coach.” Someone to “state the obvious to you" as you clearly do not have the people surrounding you that are capable of performing this task. Please do not take this as an insult; it is more of a “constructive criticism”. I feel that you have been cheated and deprived by your managing staff of someone to assist you in your life as they watch it spiral out of control. Certainly you must agree that your “rational” thought process has been skewed and needs to be re-aligned with the normality that we all search for. All great men had someone to look to for guidance. No man is an island. I am not going to give you the guidance that your friends have as that is biased at best. I will give you what you lack; a steady, true, moral compass to steer you in the right direction of life. Men of your status have little or no interaction with “middle class America”, so they sometimes do not know what is acceptable and inadvertently make poor decisions. I am willing to be your “life coach” and help you through your troubles and lack of decision making skills. I am sure that you do not want to swim in your undoings and I believe that you can right your wrongs. Remember the saying that we must learn from our past or we are destined to repeat it. Feel free to contact me as I will be eagerly awaiting the opportunity to guide you to a realistic, normal life.

I think I’ll start at the top of my list of candidates tonight. I’m sure I can’t screw their lives up anymore than they already have.