Driving While ???

   In the wake of this week’s airline fiasco where two pilots overshot their destination by 150 miles, I have some questions that need to be answered. The pilots have made a statement that they “lost track of time while using their laptops to workout crew schedules.” I find this incredibly hard to believe, as I have been in a drunken, alcohol induced stupor on MANY an occasion and awoke to find myself in another house or even a nearby city that I had no recollection of going to. Hell, I have even opened my eyes to find myself in clothes that I am sure were not mine. But I have never, never, never been sober and lost track of 150 miles and 93 minutes of time. Sure, a lot of my life is blurry, spotty to remember at best, but I cannot recall saying “Wow, look at that, I just blinked my eyes and it’s an hour and a half later, oh and were in Houston!” I wouldn’t say that I’m afraid of flying, (I once went skydiving), but I do have “control issues” when a pilot has my life in his hands and I am not even allowed to be a “back seat driver.” So here are my concerns that I would like addressed to help me get my sense of trust back in the airline industry.


1. In most major U.S. cities, it is illegal to drive a car while talking on a cell phone. If you have an accident and passengers are hurt or killed, the authorities can press criminal charges on you. I’m no rocket scientist, and I am not a licensed pilot, but I’m kind of thinking that flying a commercial jet is probably harder than driving my truck. With this being said, isn’t using a laptop more tedious than talking on a phone? Do we really need to tell someone that is flying our plane to please put the laptop down?

2. If laptop use while flying is now acceptable, then is it now o.k. for me to get up to use the bathroom while the plane is taking off or landing? I mean, the stewardesses are always harping on you to buckle up during this time, but I feel it is not as bad as flying while Yahoo-ing. If the pilot thinks that it is a must for him to check his porn sites while playing God with my life, shouldn’t I have the final say on when I take my bathroom breaks?

3. As I have only flown on a few flights that lasted over two hours, I regretfully had the chance to eat an in-flight meal but twice. Do you think that the passengers got an extra meal on their flight? It did go over its time by an hour and a half after all. I think they all should have at least received a couple extra bags of those cool peanuts and maybe a few of those really neat airplane bottles of vodka. You really can’t put a price on air safety, but I know that vodka would have made it all better with me.

4. I wonder if the airlines are worried about the blame falling on them instead of the pilots. Maybe they are worried about the public’s perception of airline safety now? I can see the bumper sticker propaganda they will flood the market with; “Planes Don’t Kill People, Google-ing Pilots Kill People”. And the pilots can retort with the excuse that they have a new “diagnosed disease”. They can call it “Dumb-Ass Pilot’s” disease.

   I can’t imagine what was going on in those passengers’ minds as they looked at their watches and wondered why they were still in the air. I would like to think that if it ever happened to a flight I was on, the stewardesses would have the sense to start a free open-bar and pass out a couple decks of cards, maybe even shed those stuffy jackets they wear. You know, make my hour and a half “worth-while”.